Wednesday, January 10, 2007

One last thing...

I have been surfing the internet and stroking my ego, looking at the map attached to this, and have noted that someone has read this from the Canary Islands, someone else from Iceland, and someone from what looks to be Haiti or the Dominican Republic.

Which is all very gratifying, if true. Where things on the internet are concerned, I am a profound skeptic - for all I know these red dots are generated randomly. But I was talking to a friend about this and mentioned the groundswell of popular acclaim in Sri Lanka and Cuba - two sizeable islands with precisely no readers (of my blog) at all.

And we had a bet about which would come first - a reader from Cuba or one in Sri Lanka. Unfortunately, neither of us thought to bet "neither", neither did we think of putting a time limit on this bet. We both reckoned Greenland would be third, or maybe fourth after Madagascar.

So, can someone, somehow, end this for us? It doesn't have to be a real visitor. Create one of those online virtual avatar things I keep hearing about. Hack and phreak and pirate to your pixillated heart's content. My friend and I, who for all you know could be a thousand thousand monkeys banging on a million typewriters, will be just as happy.

Should be able to read comments soon.

Anyhow, thanks for listening, and thanks too for all these bananas.


Blogger Foilwoman said...

I have no hacking skillz. But you will get a visitor from Madagascar, Cuba, or Greenland before I do. Why? Because you write so beautifully.

4:51 PM  
Blogger Camilla said...

Hear, hear.

I'm curious about who's reading from South Africa.

6:25 PM  
Anonymous monototo said...

Well I managed to connect using one of these proxies, which was really slow. Unfortunately the only one that was working was transparent and i don't know if that's good enough. According to cluster maps: "In order for your map to be 'updated' (whether daily, weekly, or monthly) the number of visitors shown must also have grown by a certain percentage since the last update."

So I have no idea if it worked :(

9:42 PM  
Anonymous monototo said...

See my 1337 5k1!z.. I screwed up the a href= in that last comment (I put 'herf').. I was trying to link to these proxies

9:48 PM  
Blogger Foilwoman said...

Your January 11 update shows a visitor from Las Canarias. Bravo. Greenland, Madagascar, the Seychelles, and some poor schmoo posted in Antarctica to go (I added to your list).

11:53 PM  
Blogger Juanita J. Sanchez said...

I'm trying not to be jealous of your global readership. I don't understand how all those readers can tune in without commenting...but maybe that's just me. I'm a commentor. Can't help it.

3:31 AM  
Blogger Foilwoman said...

A bit convoluted here, but you're worth it: I posted your desire for visitors from Greenland, Las Canarias, and Madagascar. It turns out that Andy, friend of Cookie Monster's, has an uncle who's emigrating to Madagascar. Andy has requested a visit to this blog from Madagascar. So it's only a matter of time now. If the uncle in question is an actual living person and not a blog construct. I live in hope.

1:05 PM  
Blogger Bronze John said...

Thanks for the Madagascar thing. Seems an unusual place to emigrate to - the lemurs? those trees with the bulgy trunks? lemurs wearing bulgy trunks? - so good on him.

How come so many of the people I hear about lately are so gumptious? It's very enviable.

And thanks a lot, especially since it's a real person. I will put this on the long list of things I owe you.


10:09 AM  
Blogger Bronze John said...

Thanks for reading - where are you writing from? If it's not somewhere exotic, how do you feel about moving?

I liked the whole eating of mothballs thing. Others may laugh, but we'll see who laughs when they are infected by moths and you're safe from MAGU (moth-associated gastric ulceration).


10:16 AM  
Blogger Bronze John said...

You know, I was thinking about this.

If it's possible to hack and so forth so you can make the map look like you have readers from anywhere you choose (by the way - this is good for the whole geography side of things - I think the islands in the South Pacific are Fiji, but I don't know), then it should be possible to place dots so you appear to have readers from even purely imaginary places.

So. Any readers from Innsmouth, HP Lovecraft's fictional Massachusetts port, full of foulness and monstrous inbreeding? Lurkers in Gondor or Flatland, Lilliput or Hogwarts? Readers from Where The Wild Things Are?

Perhaps not so many from Innsmouth. Hold on, someone at the door. Must be Halloweeen, they seem to be dressed up as some kind of fish-frog creature... hold on....

10:27 AM  
Blogger Foilwoman said...

Again, no hacking skillz, so Gondor and Lilliput are out. But I definitely post from Where the Wild Things Are (One of TigerGrrl's favorite books, btw -- somehow she identifies, can't imagine how.) as I am indeed the mother of the TigerGrrl and the DestructoGirl and that's my home.

12:26 PM  
Blogger Camilla said...

I have tried to post from Innsmouth but my flabby claws cannot seem to get the keys to work, and the writhing feelers on my awful squid-head keep flopping onto the keyboard and getting in the way.

What's on earth is the green, sticky spawn of the stars supposed to *do*?


(OR'lyeh? YaR'lyeh!)

7:52 PM  
Anonymous monototo said...

Hi John,

Sorry it's been such a long time... I hoping you'll get an alert letting you know I've left a comment in this dusty thread. I'm writing all the way over in Goodwood (Adelaide) but I'm planning on going somewhere more exotic during the second half of the year. I was thinking Nairobi but I see it's already checked off on the map - little use to you.

Anyway, looks like machines in Cuba and Sri Lanka have now connected to your site.. Unfortunately they updated at the same time so we can't know who won the bet. I'm sceptical, and wouldn't jump to call all each of those hits people. A fair portion would be but some would just be machines out trawling though websites.

Thanks for the great reading.

3:21 AM  

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