Night of the Living Debt

Hail,
Have been morosely thinking about how this hospital stay is blowing out our finances, so rather than burden you with that I am trying to write something cheering here.

In my spare time – I seem to have a fair quantity of this, if not a particularly high quality – I have been thinking about writing.

When I get out of here I want to do a bit of writing, and one of the things I like writing is stories for anthologies. Unfortunately the whole patient confidentiality thing stops me from banging on about any success I have had in this area recently, but I am having a few things published under my orthonym lately, which cheers me.

Anyhow, I got a few minutes of internet access a few days ago and looked up some speculative fiction anthologies. I don’t write as much of that stuff as I did previously, and I barely read any, but still there were a few small-press markets out there wanting stories for anthologies: one calling for stories set in New Orleans, or in Maine, another looking for time travel stories, that kind of thing. I should point out that these are almost always “for the love” publications – nobody gets any money, people everyone gives their time and money for the thrill of seeing their name in print, either as an editor or an author. The community of people who write and produce these things is fairly close.

Anyway, a few interested me, more as a challenge than anything else. Someone I know is editing an anthology on Zombies. There is a fairly interesting book on this that I read a few years ago, some good source material. Another, which sounds interesting, requests tales of religious madness. And another wants “piratical” stories – before things fell apart here I was sortof reading "The Floating Brothel"and "Buried Alive", both of which could be used in that way. And a writer’s group to which I belong published a heartfelt plea by a woman looking for stories for her upcoming lesbian sleuth stories, and someone else wanted something set in Maine.

So, three or four stories. But I was thinking – maybe not. The problem with writing for anthologies is that if you don’t sell your purpose-written story to “Tales to Amaze – the year’s best bisexual robot matador tales” you’re stuck with something that may not be that saleable to anyone else. So… what if you tried for a strategy to double or even triple your market?

With that in mind, any plotlines for a short story, set in either Maine or New Orleans, featuring either a lesbian pirate and a zombie preacher, or a lesbian zombie and a preacher who is also a part-time pirate, and ideally running to exactly seven thousand words (the maximum word count of the zombie anthology and the minimum of the lesbian sleuth one) will be gratefully received. Try and have some sleuthing in there, no excessive gore (the Maine story wants PG-15 rating, which might make it difficult for the zombies), and at least one character who goes mad (which would not be surprising, considering the appalling funding in recent years of pirate zombie mental health services).

And ideally something with colour and vision and spectacle, something that would attract the eye of, say, a Spielberg or a Tarantino, someone with money who’s not afraid to spend it. On me, who would also not be afraid to spend it. I will remember the person concerned fondly when the movie deal is announced and see if I can get you a bit-part in the film – “peg legged dominatrix in cardinal’s clothing”, or “crazed prelate with eye-patch”.

Anyhow, fame, if not fortune, awaits - all this slothing around has left me with insufficient funds, something I am thinking about all the time. My writing future is in your hands.

Thanking you,
John

In the early days I wrote, and have failed to sell, a story called "Kung fu vampire sex kittens from Mars". Round about five thosand words. Anyone wants to anthologise this, email me.

John.