Monday, March 27, 2006

The wrath of [Insert Name Here]

It's pretty clear what has happened recently. In fact, I could say it has All Become Very Clear.

I have, in something I have done or something I have not done, perhaps in some inadvertent and seemingly trivial transgression, some word or deed or thought ... I have a short time ago angered a god.

Let me be clear about this. Not G-D, or God, no SkyFather or Thunderer or anything, but a god nonetheless. Maybe a minor deity from a forgotten age - a Hittite or a Babylonian semidemihemiurge, a god of keyholes or spilt milk or spiderwebs. One of those gods with a beak or who is part serpent.

Pazuzu, I have been thinking, or maybe Zamama, last heard of as the Tutelary God of the city of Kish in the third millenium BCE. He can't have been busy lately.

Then again, I reckon some of those Meso-american deities were pretty vengeful.... better look into that. In the interim, and in accordance with Talmudic tradition, S/he will have to be referred to as [Insert Name Here].

And why have I, only recently having ceased (under doctor's orders) my antipsychotic, formed this admittedly heterodoxical opinion?

Because it's the only one that makes any fucking sense, that's why. Listen to this roll-call from last week.

Tues: Close friend near death in Royal, overnight vigil, delirious due to sepsis and pulmonary embolus. Does not die. Get two and half hours sleep.

Wed: Work at drugs and alcohol, then visit close friend in Royal until midnight. Stumble home. Nine hours sleep. Find out in morning that close friend died unattended in Royal, nurse having tried to contact me but me having slept through alarm. Friend died having had fewer days and more pain than he would have had if the orthopaedic surgeons had not got their claws into him.

That night, discover that shed has been broken into, tools borrowed from someone else stolen (i.e.: thousand dollar welder), plus saddles and stuff.

Thurs: Wife coming down "with something". Other friend (red hair, blue eyes, vast brain) deteriorates. Second overnight vigil, resulting in five AM trip to Royal with close friend: said close friend taken to emergency department by me in the clear knowledge that they will detain him under mental health act. Friend detained under mental health act. Security guard placed outside room, ED full of aggro drunks and shrieking babies. Friend transferred later to public psych ward, same subsequently found to be "completely full of loonies" (not my words). Drove home late afternoon, having had actually no sleep at all previous night. Slept ten hours that night.

Fri: Red headed friend worse, grappling with feelings of betrayal and abandonment by friends (oddly enough). Other friend (this one dark-haired) reveals she has been sent letters by madman (previously subject of restraining order due to his stalking of her two years back) currently in Arkham Forensic Hospital, where he awaits trial (again) for criminal assault (again). Letters from madman explain how madman has bought all the CDs she has made and has been watching her all the time on telly, and detail their future life together.

He loves her, he says, more than life itself. I say this means that from his point of view, death, say by police gunfire, is preferable to a life without her. Explain that madman seems to be displaying symptoms and signs of being batshit crazy. Careful explanation given as to why this is a potentially life-threatening development and must be treated as such.

Detained friend (red-haired) now displaying clinically evident psychosis, has been seen by two doctors for total of eighteen minutes, seems worse.

Psychiatrist (mine) suggests now not best time to stop quetiapine.

Sat mane: Beloved cat found dead, possible lymphosarcoma. Wife distraught, unwell.

Visit friend in Royal, definitely worse.

Sun mane (about six thirty): Informed by phone that sixteen year old niece (allegedly staying overnight at friend's house in suburbs), has managed to 'miss last bus from city' at eleven thirty at night(!), stay all night in city, found by close family friend at six o'clock in morning in pub ("getting drink of water").

Sun mane (few hours later): Niece picked up by me from family friend's house. Family friend (child-free wastrel pot-head who has never held a job in his life) attempts to give me advice on how to handle this delicate situation. Violence averted by narrowest of margins (i.e.: presence of several witnesses, no bleach to clean up bloodstains). Niece told of new game plan. Histrionics, rending of garments, gnashing of teeth (including multi-thousand dollar braces).

Mon mane: Niece announces intention to leave home rather than groan under iron heel of my fascist dictatorship. Told cannot be detained against will, but advised to wait until after tonight, as fascist dictatorship will be taking her to guitar lessons at six. Actually deeply wounded by niece's declared intention to leave home, but (probably) concealed it.
Mon afternoon: Niece complains of abdominal pain, etc, several of cardinal signs of appendicitis. Taken to Princess by fascist dictatorship. Third overnight vigil (admittedly, in fold-out chair, but better than Royal). Dispute between surg (wrong) and emerge (right) about diagnosis (appendicitis).

Tues: Appendectomy (niece's, not fascist dictatorship's). Entire family (scattered across three states) in hysterics for one reason or another. Wife comes down with hideous gastro from either Royal, Princess or private psych ward.

Wed: Worked today, having run out of sick days. and having realised in small hours of morning that all close to me have been struck down by wrath of minor but malevolent god, who seems to be able to lash at all around me but is prevented from actually harming me himself. Stopping in at Woolworths on way home to purchase spotless bullock and unblemished virgin goat. Making sacrifice at sunset, if allowed to get home.

Plan to lure the bugger down from "On High" and tai-otoshi him into the Underworld.

Anyway, the good thing about all this is that it forces someone out of depression - it's impossible to sit around whining about your own concerns when they are manifestly so much less than anyone else's.

So, will speak soon - possibly.

If anyone wants to know what they could do to help, perhaps it would be beneficial if you could all accompany me....(clashes cymbals, blows on goats-horn trumpet): All Praise [Insert Name Here], praise him in a loud voice, for he is great, descend unto us, oh [Insert Name Here] that we may more closely worship thee...(repeat until fadeout).

Thanks for listening,
John

18 Comments:

Anonymous Camilla said...

Good God/Christ Almighty/Dear Gods/Insert appeal to Higher Power here.

What a bloody horrible week. I am already mentally rehearsing my appeal to Saint Jude, Saint Rita of Cascia and Saint Gregory the Wonderworker (all Patron Saints of Hopeless/Desperate Cases according to Catholic Online's patron saint database) on your behalf.

Seriously though, I am sending my prayers. I hope all those who are ill are well soon, all that is lost is recovered, and that peace returns to the land. And that the fascist dictatorship stays well too.

Much love and huge hogs to you all! *oink oink snort*

7:00 PM  
Blogger Benedict 16th said...

Dunno what you are complaining about - I've got a bloody cold!

10:26 PM  
Blogger Benedict 16th said...

actually it is at times like this I thank god I am an athiest.

Maybe it was John Howard?

Maybe we should drink to this lesser god? I have a couple of
reds that need slaughtering!


- Benedict

10:32 PM  
Blogger Foilwoman said...

I think your week was worse than my last year (this is right around the time I started writing about the train wreck of my life). I'll get Innana and others working on sacrifices. Would sacrifice of a psychotic not-soon-enough-to-be-ex-husband be of any help whatsoever? I hear the vengeful meso-american type deity that is [Insert Name Here] likes pain. If you guys (Aussies) can chip in for a good lawyer, I'll make sure my sacrifice feels plenty of pain.

No need to thank me, I'm always happy to help.

I hope TduCN and you have a better next week. I'll sacrifice a bottle of wine for you, too (Innana needs the bottles for her play).

2:21 AM  
Blogger Prom said...

There must be some horrid influences going on in the universe this last week. My best friend's wife was just found to have a collapsed lung from invasion of much fluid containing cancerous cells into her pleural lining. So far the location of the primary tumor isn't evident but Doc suspects an estrogen-dependent source despite a full hysterectomy 10 years ago.

I'll be looking for comments from time to time from you and Benny as I hear more about the diagnosis.

3:17 AM  
Blogger schaumi said...

Came here via The Foil's site although I've been here before, but it's been awhile. I can insert whatever/whoever in the blank spaces....am very openminded in that respect.....I can also do the wishful voodoo thingy if that would help.
Seriously though, I wish things improve soon.

1:01 PM  
Blogger Foilwoman said...

Oh, and Innana (a minor deity herself, btw) wishes you luck in finding a virgin goat in a country like Australia, where the men are men and the four hooved animals are exhausted. Actually, she just wished you luck with the virgin part, I added the truly crude thought. Hope things are improving. Have sacrificed two (2) glasses of Lindeman's 2005 Bin 99 Pinot Noir so far tonight. My sacrifice more (just to help you out, 'cause I'm such a thoughtful superheroine, of course).

How's the niece bearing up under the appendectomy and the fascist dictatorship? If this were the U.S. and managed care, she'd be home already, changing her own IVs or something like that. I hope you are sleeping.

I hope TduCN is feeling better. My sympathies on the loss of the kitty.

1:27 PM  
Blogger cookie monster said...

fuck me that is a shitty week!

how many mirrors did u btreak?

4:03 PM  
Blogger Chade said...

Well I sacrificed a bottle of Rum in your honour last night. We on for friday? More drinking and Planetary?

2:12 PM  
Blogger Benedict 16th said...

I think he got gout of the knee from all those sacrifices.
Of maybe it was Reiter's syndrome (you just can't get good sacrificial virgins these days)

Benedict

7:59 PM  
Blogger Bronze John said...

Cam,
Prayers gratefully received - and apparently efficacious. Everyone doing much better now. Thanks.

John

4:23 PM  
Blogger Bronze John said...

Ben', Red sounds good. We could pour a libation (haven't heard that in a while) and maybe have some slaughtered oxen from that relative of yours (brother? brother in law?)

John

4:25 PM  
Blogger Bronze John said...

FW, As I said elsewhere, I am sure any vengeful Meso-american god would be only too happy to accept your offering. Especially one where you'd obviously put a lot of work into the preparation.

But why would you need a lawyer?

John

6:56 AM  
Blogger Bronze John said...

Prom, hideous news. My sympathies. keep me informed as to what goes on. This is way outside my area, but oestrogen dependent might mean susceptible to aromatase inhibitors or whatever, which is good.

I don't know that "best of luck" is really appropriate at the moment, but our thoughts are with you.

John

7:02 AM  
Blogger Bronze John said...

Schaumi,
Things are improving already - you could say it looks like the wishes worked. Thanks,
John

7:04 AM  
Blogger Bronze John said...

Cookie Monster - it wasn't the mirror. I reckon it's one of our five or so black cats that crosses my path several times a day. Or maybe our one black cat that moves around a lot.

Thanks,
John

10:21 AM  
Blogger Bronze John said...

Chade,
Don't know about Friday at the moment, even if it is Planetary. We shall see, thanks for the invite, be in touch.

10:23 AM  
Blogger Foilwoman said...

I'll need a lawyer because torturing (at length) before murder is normally considered a very clear sign of premeditation and moves it up to a capital offense. After the latest stunts, however, I am ready to make my move.

1:32 PM  

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