Friday, August 12, 2005


As usual, too long between posts. I originally started this as a bit of an experiment, and so that later on when I want to write my book I can refer to this... but it's been slow.

Anyway, whine switch off, on with it.

What has been happening?

Dr Zhu continues merrily on his way, his face unlined by the cares that disturb the equilibrium of many of his peers. He is enjoying the job, he says. It makes him happy. He would like to do more of it, not full time of course, but as an occasional thing, once he is qualified as a radiologist. He likes working with young people and their "funny little problems", it makes him laugh as he wanders along the corridor, shaking his head. It makes him smile, he muses aloud, how "what seems so big to them is really so small".

I'm going to kill him. You heard me. I mean it. I can get away with it, all I have to do is write myself a sick certificate saying I was completely nuts at the time, and I'll be right. And I'm a doctor - none of this "left for dead but managed to crawl to ..." shit. Dead in this case will mean certifiably, irretrievably, beyond shadow of a doubt, dead. Not for resus.

Hahahahaaaa - that was me practising my manic laugh. Convincing?

Wish I could do fonts on this thing. Big flaming gothic letters that bounced up and down.

Anyway, back to my murder plan. I've got it all worked out. Unfortunately, the plan seems to involve a large amount of creamed cheese and more trained weasels than I can get my hands on at the moment, but that's just a supply and demand problem. I'm sure weasels are readily available on the Internet, as are martial arts instructors who are at least willing to attempt to train weasels.

Note to literal minded: I am kidding. I don't really mean it.

Heh heh heh...

I am going to look this up in DSM 4. DSM 4 is the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental illnesses, version four. It describes the commonly accepted features of the commonly accepted mental illnesses. It's quite fun to browse through it and recognise everyone but yourself.

DSM III, I believe, might have had homosexuality as a mental illness. I don't know what DSM II was, I think DSM I was the Malleus Maleficarum.

One thing DSM II might have had was hysteria. As we all know, hysteria is an attack of womanly irrationality brought on by movement of the womb (hence the "hyster-" prefix). It describes the kind of swooning, sobbing, ankle-twisting, petticoat-tripping, ridiculous behaviour that we see women all the time. Strangely absent from DSM II was the male version of this gender-specific insanity. I have decided to remedy the gap in medical knowledge and call male-only madness "testeria".

When a sixteen year old boy with the alcohol tolerance of a hummingbird decides to chug a yardglass of vodka on his birthday, suspect testeria.
When someone will meander about in the trackless desert for hours, encountering strange tribes and hearing the beat of savage drums, rather than stop and read the map book he has on the passenger seat next to him, suspect testeria.
When a man's sexual advances are rejected and he decides that the woman he pursued must be a lesbian ... and then persues her even more avidly because all lesbians are hot (double points if Asian)... suspect testeria.

Anyhow. More later.

Thanks for listening.



Blogger Benedict 16th said...

Aren't we up to the DSM-IV-R?

Sounds like Dr Zoo and The Shipman are made for each others?

Benny XVI

6:15 PM  
Blogger Foilwoman said...

Hey, I've known about testeria for years. I remember asking my Dad why boys were so stupid (as an adolescent, trying to figure teenage boys out: What a wast of time that was!). My father explained it all to me. He said, in his infinite, fatherly wisdom: "Foilwoman-to-be, just remember this, and you will have a lot less trouble than most women do understanding me. Testosterone make men stupid." Whenever I remember that and act accordingly, everything seems to go pretty well. Now, where did I put my high heels and lipstick?

12:31 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home