Saturday, May 28, 2005

Uninspired

Hail,

A few quick words before I go off to discuss stuff with my consultant and probably work.

I am feeling better now. Both valproate and reboxetine have some rapid effect, although you need to be on both for a number of weeks for the full effect to kick in. And I think there is some therapeutic benefit in admitting symptoms and doing something about them. And hopefully the mild nausea and the agitation from the reboxetine will counteract the sluggifying effects of the valproate.

I have seen someone go from a size ten dress to a size twenty in a few months of valproate. It's always seemed to me to be evidence of divine malice that the side effects of the anti-depressants are so depressing. Weight gain, hair loss, sexual malfunction. You take the drugs and your depression lifts... until you look in a mirror.

Seriously, the latest anti-psychotics have a considerably milder weight gain effect, and that's going to be good for my patients, particularly the Hogarth House ones.

Anyway, enough of this. As I said before, depression is a kind of malignant tumour of the self, it's a neuro-chemically induced rage of selfishness, where your sense of self swells and grows until it takes over your entire body. I get depressed and all of a sudden everything has to be about me and my feelings and what will make me happy. It's a damaged ego, not what is ususally meant by egotistical, but there are some similarities. An egosarcoma. That plus it's damn boring. So enough of depression.

Work today. And then home to clean up the house (one last thing - there are certain widely accepted signs of depression: poor sleep, depressed mood, etc. I hereby propose another one - running out of stuff. I got up this morning, used the last clean bowl, had to wash a spoon, had a bowl of cereal which was the remnants of three almost empty packets (Nutrigrain covered Vitabrits with Honey Somethingorothers, anyone?) and in doing so used all but the last three mls of milk.

So today, do shift, clean house, "study" for opiate prescribers exam. Get life back together.

John

2 Comments:

Anonymous Darthmilla said...

Good to hear the v and r are having a positive effect so far. There was an interesting (if rather brief) article in the Weekend Australian magazine today about an artist called Greg Wilson, did you see it? He's written a book called "My brush with depression". I like the way he described anxiety as "a massive lead weight on [his] heart with lightning bolts coming out of it". Remember that feeling you talked about a couple of posts ago, where someone voices something you haven't been able to put into words for yourself, and you go "oh yeah!" ? Well, I went "oh yeah!" when I read that.

If I could choose a Sith name it would be Darth Iquitous. Or perhaps Darth Fection. Or Darth Fralapsarianism. (Hint: don't go looking for "in" words in the dictionary. You'll get stuck there for hours).

1:30 PM  
Blogger Benedict 16th said...

I think Darth CONTUMELY is rather clever.

9:48 PM  

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