Friday, May 06, 2005

Chad amongst the Reptile People

A friend of mine, for the love of what must be a truly remarkable woman, has gone into the desert:

I don't know that he's enjoying it all that much. It's not like Jesus in the wilderness. No-one taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; and saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.

Instead they taketh him out to an exceeding flat land, and sheweth him obese cowboys and aboriginal alcoholics, and the horror of them, and saith unto him "Here are tiny children balancing upon enraged animals and bookshops without books."

His blog entries have become increasingly un-nerving, and finally, tonight, I received confirmation of my deepest fears:

He has been captured by the lizard people of the outback. See their inhuman, grimfaced fanaticism, their casual attire, their hands on hips* insouciance? All too soon we will have the Prime Minister saying that nothing at all can be done, refusing to pull Australian troops out of the lizard people territory, and then these fanatics will shed more innocent blood.

Well, it makes as much sense as a lot of stuff. I think Chad should treasure this photo. Then, in the near future, when the lizard folk over-run an Earth made arid by global warming, you can produce this and say "look! We were friends once!"

Have you noticed how many isolated Australian towns have outsized ... somethings? I am not well travelled, but I've seen three big sheep (two ewes and a monster ram), a big orange, two gargantuan cows, several dinosaurs (advertising what local product I don't know - dinosaur costumes?), a small herd of giant horses (wooden, concrete and fibreglass) and I think I have seen a ten metre yabbie somewhere.

If I haven't seen it, it's a disturbingly clear mental image. Easy ten metres, all plates and pincers, a deady decapod, bristling and clacking.

Hmmm. If I didn't see it, wonder where that image came from. Probably an ancestral memory when I was some worm thing.

Hold on, back in a sec, there's something at the door.

[sound of someone walking off, opening door: a fury of bristling and clacking erupts. Narrator barely manages to stumble back to the keyboard, horribly mauled, to type:

"Aaaaaahaahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" and expire.



*Do lizards have hips? A free pancreatoduodenectomy to the first person who answers this correctly and manages to explain how they know this without incriminating themselves.

Okay, Im really tired. I'm sure if I just slowly back away from the keyboard, nobody else need get hurt.



Blogger Chade said...

Thanks for the plug. More adventures in the Dead Heart coming soon.

4:53 AM  
Anonymous Camilla said...

Of course lizards have hips. And I know this from lizard-dancing classes where we did the Conga last week.

8:41 AM  

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