Monday, February 07, 2005

Examination Terror

Feeling petrified. Seven weeks to exam. Five in morning.

Have few hours to learn entirety of cardiovascular physiology. Never understood preload and afterload in first place. Was baffled by subject when young, keen and given two semesters to understand it. Now am old and raddled and have few days.

Buddy Guy, one of two most talented blues players alive today, sings " got a cold, cold feeling, seems like ice all around my heart". Australasian College of Emergency Medicine does not describe this condition in pathology or cardiology syllabus. Who Australasian College of Emergency Medicineto argue with Buddy Guy?

Got a cold, cold feeling, seems like ice all around my heart. Doot doo doot doo doo doo.

Still understand nothing of cardiovascular physiology. Does decreasing right atrial pressure during inspiration increase right atrial preload and stroke volume, or decrease them? Or increase one and decrease the other? Or the other way around?

Have lost use of pronouns, definite and indefinite articles, several other core elements of speech.

Have drunk so much coffee can actually hear own heart sounds, feel concentration of cyclic adenosine monophosphate rising, observe phosphorylation of relevant light chain myosine kinases, etc., etc.

Got a cold, cold feeling...

Wife knows more about this than self, even though wife only attended single talk on peripherally related subject in 1983. Talk probably given in foreign language by autistic with speech impediment during acid binge, wife remembers and understands anyway. Wife sits there reading Colleen McCulloch novels, brain bulging softly in the moonlight.

"Abrupt increase in afterload causes moderate increase in inotropy" - is called Anrep Effect or Bowditch Effect?

Why am talking like 1970s Incredible Hulk comic?

Became almost detainably unwell last time had exams. Fear repeat of this. In darkest hours fear failure, humiliation and detention under mental health act imminent.

Note to self - exam will be in Queensland --> look up Qld detention laws, consider pre-emptive appeals process.

Additional note to self - try to avoid episode acute psychosis in Qld - know few words of German, don't want to end up in Baxter Detention Centre.



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